Strong Women New Adventures

So I had an adventure yesterday.
As most of you or as I should say the two people who read this know I am pregnant. I am indeed 7 months along and I am having trouble seeing what we will call in this blog my VaJayJay. So to see my VaJJ I have to bend way over and it is uncomfortable. As you can imagine Landscaping this area is even more of a struggle which involves a mirror, a yoga stance, and a razor held very close to my VaJJ.

Well for the past few weeks my hubby I decided to grow out the lawn and see what happens. My hubby is gone on deployment so I can go hippy style for a while. I started noticing in-grown hairs and itching because it has been a while since the lawn has not been mowed.

Yesterday I was fed up and thought I would try something new, Waxing. I had in the past discussed this new idea with a friend who said she had been brave enough and that this didn’t hurt too badly. I have had my brows waxed before and it hurts for a second but then the pain is gone. I am also about to give birth and wanted to know what my pain tolerance was and if I am indeed a sissy or a tough woman.

So I go in and the small Asian lady is getting the wax ready. I ask will this hurt? She says in her little Asian tone, if you relax it hurt less so just relax. I am laying there spread eagle letting a little Asian lady dissect my VaJJ and I am supposed to relax knowing that in a few seconds she is going to put hot wax on my very sensitive area.

She begins her task and the first few were not that bad. I could feel the warm wax which was not bad and then the strip was placed and then I braced myself for the rip! When she got further and further down into her task that is when I thought to myself I wonder how many more? I wonder if I am bleeding? I wonder if I will have any skin left? What will happen if I get her to stop now and not finish? All of these thoughts went through my head.

Next thoughts of the Forty Year Old Virgin movie came across my mind. Thoughts of Steve Carell yelling “Lindsey Lohan” after the wax lady pulled the hair off his chest. I could see every comedy movie and tv show I had ever watched where some idiot thought it would be a good idea to rip hair off their body only to find out it HURT LIKE HELL! They would scream and the audience all laughed…yea why didn’t I think of that before I decided to pay this little Asian lady for this? Why would anyone pay for this type of torture?

Well I survived without punching her, yelling any profanities, or flinching too much. I guess I am strong enough to be considered a woman. Now I have a well landscaped area that I have to use a mirror to see and I have no one to show it to.

Women are crazy. No man would go through that amount of pain for beauty. I guess I will see just how tough I am when I have this baby in 2 months. Men definitely would not reproduce if they had to go through labor.

So I give a big high five to all the strong women out there.

First Post in over a year.....Weird Dream

So this Indian girl bought this weird slimy snake like plant from a medicine man looking dude who looked really shady and she looked scared to death. She planted it in the mud and the medicine man and her hurried up the hill. She beat him up the hill and the plant too root quickly and began climbing the hill like a slimy vine. It caught him and she just kept running as it killed him. She lived in a place that was mud everywhere. She hit the other side of the hill and slid through the mud all the way down on her butt past her village with everyone watching as the vine grew bigger and bigger killing everyone. She kept running to another land which was not mud it was forest and in the forest was a fiery bird bath and it sent out a force field of fire every few seconds and on the other side was another bird bath with a shock force field that sent out a shock every few seconds it was the forest peoples means of protection I guess. Well she made it through but the sheep that were roaming there did not.

She made it to a clearing with a big giant log house. Inside the house were all these aristocrat people all dressed up in large dresses and suits from the 1900’s. She ran upstairs and the vine kept coming killing all of them and she jumped from the roof to the ground and found a man who had a Winnebago and they got in the Winnebago and tried to outrun the killer vine.

I don’t know what I ate before this dream but that is some messed up shiz
This is what probably occurs on the planet next to one where they filmed Avitar.